I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
