I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
