if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize