Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize