come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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