Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
