He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
