i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize