it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
