Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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