You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
