If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
