grandma shit on top of the toilet
She announced her abortion via fbk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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