That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
