So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
