Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize