We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
