I cut my penus on the lid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
