im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
