She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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