is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize