Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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