I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
