Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
