who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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