ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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