uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
