i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
