The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
