i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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