I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
