Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
