Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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