Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
