i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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