Jerry, you need to find god
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize