Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
