i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
