she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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