i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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