dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize