goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize