Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
