my being single is dangerous.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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