i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
