Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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