gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
