Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
