Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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