belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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