fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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