just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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