I love black thongs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
