I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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