my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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