my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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