I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
