Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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