Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
