Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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