Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
