I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so much tequila, so little girl.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize