I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
