Where is the hickey?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
