I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
