Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
