it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
