Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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