i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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