But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
