Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
