it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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